Confidence: What does it mean to you?

Before we start thinking about how to boost confidence or increase confidence or how to be more confident more of the time, all of which are possible let’s first take some time beforehand to really consider this question:

What does confidence mean to you?

When you really consider it, this is a vital question for you to understand and have at least some answers to. At the end of the day, confidence actually means different things to different people. This insight is the first step in feeling more confident more of the time.

Let us consider what confidence might mean to different people. To some, the ability to talk to a group of people is an indication of confidence and yet that person may struggle to travel in an elevator. Or confidence means being able to walk into a room full of strangers and strike up a conversation and yet that person may struggle to drive to a new location.

Here we have to make some important distinctions:

1. We have to understand that confidence is a feeling

2. We have to identify that talking in front of a room full of people, driving to new locations and striking up a conversation with a stranger are all learned skills

3. We also have to understand that confidence is not a fixed state but a continuum.

Confidence is a feeling

Let’s have a think about this. When we really sit and consider what confidence actually means to us, we can then begin to pinpoint more accurately the times that we feel lack of confidence and compare them to the times that we do feel confidence.

Take a few minutes to think about some kind of task that you do really easily or that you enjoy doing. It could be something as simple as making a cup of tea or doing the dishes. A task that you can do effortlessly and dare I say it confidently (!).

Because right there in those tasks that you enjoy and can do easily is a source of the confident feeling. Once you start to think of it, it becomes much easier to separate out the specific tasks, or type of events where you feel confidence is not at its strongest.

Confidence not at its’ strongest

Let’s now think about that statement. Hopefully you have now identified tasks and situations where you feel comfortable, you can take them in your stride, with what you can now begin to notice is confidence.

Now let us think about the other areas of your life that you feel you have no confidence. First of all remember confidence is a continuum. You do not have ‘no confidence’, it exists inside of you, it’s just not where you want it to be and in the quantity that you would ideally like it. It’s low down on the continuum at the moment. This does not mean that it always will be and it does not mean that it is an overall state of being.

Now ask yourself, what is it about this skill or situation that creates that feeling of ‘no confidence’?

• Is it a skills or experience gap?

• Is it a lack of feedback?

• Is it an experience of negative feedback in the past which is hindering you in the present?

• Is it the expectations of others?

Once you can identify what it is about the skill or situation that creates the feeling of ‘no confidence’ then you have created a road map of how to change it.

Easy Ways to De-Stress

Quick Fixes – Easy to do anywhere

Everyone experiences stress at some point, sometimes it’s just a short period and is recognisable as stress caused by an event or series of events. At other times feeling stressed is more unfortunately part of your everyday life as a result of job, family or any other of the many demands that you have on your time and energy. In these circumstances it is extremely important to schedule some time to de-stress and look after yourself. The best antidote to a stressful lifestyle is ultimately self-care.

Living a lifestyle of multiple demands any or all of which can cause stress it becomes absolutely vital to develop and improve your resilience to stress. Developing resilience can be a combination of many factors. Some of which may include re-evaluating lifestyle choices, work commitments, thought processes, values, etc., etc. These ideas may be a bit of a leap and something to consider in the future but right now, here is a list of quick fixes that will give you a respite. These quick fixes are all valid and workable, some may work better for you than others. Try them all and start the process of readjustment and self-care now.

Easy and Quick fixes to rebalance and increase your resilience.

1. Walk barefoot in grass: surprisingly simple and works very well to ground your thoughts and hyper energy. Even in the cold and wet walking barefoot in grass can be invigorating.

2. Drink a glass of water: the process of stress in the body is largely metabolic with multiple chemical and hormone reactions all triggering different physical responses. These physical responses all require water and so it is very easy to become dehydrated when stressed. Dehydration itself can make the symptoms of stress worse as well as have on-going effects on general health and well-being.

3. Throw a ball from hand to hand in a rhythmical fashion: pass the ball as swiftly as you can from hand to hand gradually extending the distance between your hands. Achieving a rhythm is comforting and the use of both left and right hands has the benefit of synchronising left and right brain. When concentrating for long periods of time on similar or the same tasks, we use only one half of our brain which can become tired and when that happens we start to make mistakes with concentration lapses. Strangely enough sometimes when we are up against a deadline the best thing to do is take a break, engage both halves of the brain and refresh.

4. Take regular breaks: even when up against those deadlines make sure to take regular breaks. As human beings we can only concentrate in a peak focussed way for relatively short periods of time the average being 45 minutes. We can push through this but productivity decreases. After 45 minutes of epic focus on a task or problem, we generally need to take a step back and allow both halves of our brain to integrate and process. Have you ever knawed at a problem, focussed on it for quite a while only to walk away in defeat and seemingly give up? And when we walk away isn’t it curious how often the answers come to us when we come back? Or pop into our mind when we are doing something completely different? Left brain and right brain working together and processing and integrating information during a break and at the unconscious level.

5. Breathe: take some deep full lung breaths, hold on the in and out and breath and make sure to breathe through your nose, slowly and in a controlled manner. Often when we are stressed we breathe in a very shallow way and gradually our oxygen levels can decrease, marginally but often with an impact. Your lungs fill your chest cavity from just below your collar bones to the diaphragm, they are really quite large and when you breathe in a shallow way, just moving your chest, you are only using a fraction of your lung capacity. Taking full deep breaths can give you a boost in energy and will give the parasympathetic nervous system a greater chance of counteracting your stress response.

Try these quick fixes and notice what happens to your stress levels.

For more information on how to overcome stress and get stress in your life under control please contact me, Joanne Lee for a confidential consultation.

Call +44 7856 382832 or email tranceformationsnow@gmail.com

Phobias

Overcoming phobias with NLP and Hypnotherapy

A phobia is defined as an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something. The phobic response is triggered by some kind of stimulus and in many cases can even be brought on just by thinking of that stimulus or trigger. That kind of behaviour can actually be helpful for treating phobias with NLP and Hypnotherapy.

The phobic response is a learned pattern of behaviour that rests in the unconscious mind and so if you are able to create the phobic response with a thought you must also be able to change the response with a change of thought pattern. Helping to overcome phobias with NLP and Hypnotherapy uses this idea. Sometimes the trigger is not physically present but thinking about it can still create genuine and very real responses for the person. That is the leverage for change used in Hypnotherapy and NLP

Phobias can be very debilitating and sometimes seem to defy logic, someone with a phobia may not even know when and how that phobia started and when using Hypnotherapy and NLP to create change in phobias, that is absolutely fine. Knowing the origins of the phobia can be useful, however it is not necessary for change to occur.

How do you know if you have a phobia?

Some of the more usual responses triggered by a phobia include a racing pulse and heart, sometimes with palpitations, short breaths, nausea and other symptoms similar to a panic attack. In other words an adrenaline peak which is induced by a fear reaction to the trigger. It is a phobia and not a panic attack when the response is directly associated with the presence of certain triggers.

It is usually an exaggerated and extreme response to something that would probably be quite ordinary to others. It is a response that defies logic and indeed people with phobias will often have other emotions and thought patterns associated with the phobia such as feeling silly or even ashamed of their responses. This can also make the overall physical and emotional symptoms feel worse.

Panic attacks

Someone suffering from panic attacks will experience them in a more random and generalised way. They can occur at any time and seemingly have no particular reason. Panic attacks are usually as a result of ongoing, prolonged anxiety. However panic attacks and phobias can appear similar and be intertwined with each one feeding the other.

For example if someone experiences anxiety in particular work situations this may develop into a phobia of that situation or it may develop, if the anxiety is unchecked into a more general anxiety disorder with panic attacks. Or sometimes both.

Ultimately there is no hard and fast rule about what is a panic attack and what is a phobia. A conversation with a professional Hypnotherapist will be able to identify the symptoms and what causes them. The therapist of your choice should always be able to deliver to you a personalised session that deals with and makes changes to whatever arises at the time of your session. Sometimes labels are not particularly helpful when seeking deep and lasting change and it is important to cover all aspects of the symptoms and be helped in a flexible and comprehensive way. Often what is discussed and proposed during an initial assessment is not what actually turns out to be the way forward during the session.

NLP and Hypnotherapy for phobias

Phobias generally respond to NLP and Hypnosis combination therapies very well as the pattern of learned behaviour resides in the unconscious mind as well as any associated memories of events connected to the phobia. NLP and Hypnotherapy are primarily aimed at encouraging and directing change at the unconscious level through a combination of skills which gently open the doors of the mind to change and then encouraging that change to become bedded in for everyday life.

NLP and Hypnotherapy are powerful and gentle ways to help overcome phobias.

Weight Loss

Over the years as a Hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner, I have seen many people who want help with losing weight. Often these clients will know a great deal about weight loss, and will have spent a great deal of time and energy and frequently money in the determined pursuit of weight loss.

They know all about what they should and shouldn’t be eating, what their goal weight is, how many ‘sins’ they can have at any one time, how many calories a particular food has etc., etc. So many different rules and regulations about eating! In fact so many rules that they have often forgotten what it is to really relish and enjoy the food that they eat, eating has often become a task and possibly even something to dread.

We can then add into the mix the idea that they also want to ‘lose’ something too, i.e. weight and it is no wonder that many people yo-yo their way through diet after diet after diet.

The idea of ‘losing weight’,

A client wants to lose weight. The unconscious mind, were all of our behavioural patterns reside is not keen on solely ‘losing’ something. How we describe what we want to achieve, right away puts this part of the mind in a bit of a quandary.

‘I’m losing something, ok, but what am I gaining from that?

Losing anything is usually an uncomfortable state for the mind especially when all of our conscious thoughts and actions are driving this idea of loss. When we lose something we are often sad or hurt or distressed and so the idea of loss is frequently not the best place to start when wanting to change how your body looks and feels.

To focus purely of the loss of weight, even when it might be clinically advisable is too one sided for the mind and so can be a struggle. To balance lout the equation we need something else.

Towards and Away From

The full balance equation of change is:

‘I am working away from being heavier than I want and towards gaining ….. Something?’

I like to encourage all of my clients to think about and focus upon what they will gain as a result of losing the weight they want instead.

It could be slenderness, or tone and fitness, improved health and mobility in fact anything that provides the key ingredient of a motivation to move towards. All of these are powerful motivations to work towards and so much easier for your unconscious mind to want to work as hard as it can for you in order to help you feel fitter, more slender and have greater freedom of movement.

Compare the two types of thoughts:

First weight loss, what does that mean to you? How do you feel when you think about weight loss? What memories and thoughts come to you when you consider losing weight? Remember that collection of thoughts and feelings associated with the phrase ‘weight loss’ and then place it to one side.

Clear your mind and body, think of something totally unrelated, take a few deep breaths and shake the feeling off.

Now take a few moments to think about becoming a more slender you, fitter and more toned, healthier. What can you do now that you couldn’t do before, for example? What does that feel like? What thoughts and feelings are associated with that kind of thought pattern?

And now compare the two sets of thought patterns. I bet they feel decidedly different. Which one do you think would be easier to work with to help you help yourself become the size and shape that you want and more importantly maintain it as well?

What is Stress?

Stress means different things to different people. One person’s stress freak out is another’s great adventure. The only thing to remember is, if you feel stressed then whatever is going on in your life is stressful to you and requires change.

Pressure and stress are different and it’s important to make the distinction. When we hear things in the media about stress being good for you they are not actually talking about stress, they are talking about pressure. Under pressure the body experiences some quite major physiological changes which were designed millennia ago through evolution to help the organism, in this case, what eventually became mankind, to handle and survive a raw world full of serious and life threatening danger. Typically this is called the adrenaline fight or flight response.

What was the stress fight/flight response for?

In the dim and distant past of our ancestors, a roaming hunter gatherer society our adrenaline response was triggered for much the same reasons as animals experience today.

Real and present danger, potentially life threatening and requiring immediate action to ensure survival. Too that end the adrenaline response very simplistically helps us to fight off the marauding tribes of an enemy or a wild animal intent on eating us, to run away from the danger and in some cases to freeze and hide until the danger has passed.

In the modern human jungle real and present life threatening danger is, for most of us, limited or even non-existent. Our society has evolved to the point where most of us are safe from those kinds of dangers. Alas, our adrenaline response has not.

Our adrenaline response is still operating as if we are experiencing real and present danger and in the human jungle we perceive these ‘threats’ far more frequently and from many more sources not only than our ancestors experienced but also in a way that the adrenaline response was not designed for.

A Definition of Stress

Stress can therefore be defined as too much pressure. The fight/flight response in overdrive and active far more than it was originally designed for.

Importantly as well in the human jungle of the modern world, this fight/flight response is usually activated in response to psychological stimuli, the perception of threat. Which means that the human being is the only animal capable of activating the fight/flight response with a thought.

The perception of threat, thoughts about the threat is the source of most of the stress related problems we experience and fortunately is one of the ways we can alleviate it too.

What is EFT?

Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT is a deceptively powerful method which taps on acupuncture points in sequence. The method has developed through acupuncture, kinesiology, NLP, Thought Field Therapy and finally by Gary Craig into EFT in 1997. Gary Craig simplified and systemised the multiple methods into one.

I tend to blend my EFT with Gary Craig’s original method and further developments in the field by NLP therapists and EFT therapists.

EFT can be learned very quickly and is an excellent self0help technique which can be used through out life.

What to expect

An EFT session will aim to cover all of the aspects of a particular issue one by one. The starting point may not actually be the route cause but by applying the methods and routines gently and dealing with each presenting issue in turn the route cause can be uncovered in a gentle and timely way. This makes it an excellent method for use with children where their parents/carer can also be present learning and supporting throughout by using the technique themselves in the session.

The fingers are used to tap on various acupuncture points in turn usually focussing on the issue at the same time by repeating a short phrase identifying the aspect of the problem such as a feeling or memory.,

The action of the tapping and the repeating of the phrases can be varied as each aspect is uncovered and the various components of the problem are uncovered.

After a session of EFT many clients can then happily use the technique for themselves to work on other things between sessions.

What is NLP?

NLP or Neuro Linguistic Programming is an ever growing and developing set of tools for helping people create change in their lives at a deep and lasting level. NLP is highly flexible and underpins many other change methods such as hypnotherapy and EFT as well as other professions in the wider world such as teaching and training as well as in business communication.

NLP helps the practitioner to communicate directly with a person’s unconscious mind in order to help them change in the way that they want and can be performed when walking and talking around a space or in a light, imagining type state.

How Does NLP Work?

Most of the way in which we interact with the world around us is a as a result of our own internal ways of understanding the world built up over timer and through our experiences. This road map is unique to each of us and is subject to our own sets of beliefs, values and sense of identity and the behavioural programmes that we run as a result of it.

Without shifting the map in our unconscious mind, any changes are likely to be only sticking plasters on the presenting problem which may re-occur over time or seem to be incredibly difficult to change at all.

NLP understands this and works at those structural levels of the mind in order to change the map in a permanent and helpful way.

What can NLP be used for?

NLP can be applied to just about anything from the smallest of adjustments to massive life change. It cannot force change as it works hand in hand with your unconscious mind and so is safe and ethical and change comes at the pace that is right for you.

The strategies and techniques of NLP are widely applied for help in dealing with phobias, fears, anxiety, panic attacks, healing the past, trauma, weight loss, habit change, life changes, confidence, acquiring new skills, finding more resourceful ways of living, relationship challenges, overcoming limitations and much more.

NLP is a very powerful set of tools which underpins many coaching and emotional well-being techniques as well as being used in many industries and organisations for problem solving, communication, sales etc.