We all have times that we feel in an unresourceful place and do not know how to move away from that or indeed how we would rather feel instead. We all have times where we are tense and feeling anxious and find it difficult to relax. In fact we try so hard to relax we just end up feeling more tense! It becomes counter-productive.
Changing the way that you feel by increments
This is a great piece of advice even when you don’t know what your ultimate destination feeling is, the next best feeling has got to be better than where you are now.
The easiest way of thinking about this and trying it for yourself is to consider moving from tense and anxious to relaxed. The distance between the two states of being is a big one and sometimes just not possible to make in one go and trying may make you actually feel worse. Logically you know that feeling more relaxed is a better way to be than tense and anxious but actually trying to get there seems to be very difficult.
Incrementally however you may be able to achieve this more easily and quickly than you thought. The movement from tense/anxious to relaxed is too great, however you may be able to move incrementally in the right direction by encouraging your-self to become more comfortable instead. Comfort being a step in the right direction and being more comfortable incrementally is do-able for most people.
Thinking and encouraging a sense of comfort in the body is a great way to sneak up on a feeling of relaxation rather than trying to get there in one giant step.
What else can we apply this too?
The movement from sadness to happy, or the movement of exhausted to energised are also big steps and providing they are feelings rather than anything clinical that we are talking about can also be helped by moving incrementally in the direction that you want.
Sad to happy may involve a number of steps describing different emotions rather than a repetition of the same stepped feeling as in comfort. From sad to happy we may cover sad, discouraged, impatience, boredom, hopeful, optimistic, cheery and then happy. In this example, discouraged is better than sad, impatient is better than discouraged, bored is better than impatient and so on.
The journey from exhausted to energised may travel: exhausted, tired, drained, flat, interested, boosted, perky, energised. In this example tired is better than exhausted, drained is better than tired, flat is better than drained and so on.
These are examples of journeys between two opposite states that may or may not work for you the trick is to find your own description of the in-between states concentrating on making realistic and achievable steps between the two and making as least as many steps of resourceful states as unresourceful and preferably more. Do not dwell in the unresourceful steps as this will compound the feeling rather than shift it in the direction that you want to go. Remember you are moving the state away from where you are now to where you want to be.
At each new step consider the times that you felt this way, behave as if you are already feeling this way and stay mindful of your own state and escort it gently back to where you want to be rather than where you were. This is vital if you want to achieve a lasting shift.
The time taken between the shifts and steps is entirely up to you, it may take minutes, it may take a few days. Patience and perseverance and attention are all key assets in this strategy.
For more help with changing how you feel and releasing the anchors to that state please contact me for a confidential discussion.
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