I was recently reading a novel where a father of the characters gave this advice:


‘What I’m saying is that you don’t have to be like anyone else, whether they are similar or different.  You are your own person.  The greatest enemy is often your perception of how you should be.  But the greatest form of enlightenment is your rock-solid understanding of what you are, not what others have made of the cards they were dealt in life. ……. Knowing your I is the most valuable lesson you could possibly learn.  And there is no I in …. He, she they or even them’

(From ‘Unchained’ by Shayne Silvers)


An incredible piece of advice!


Many things struck me about this passage.  Firstly sage wisdom comes to us from multiple sources, we just have to be open to finding it.  This incredible passage was written by an author I have never read or even heard of before and the novel was downloaded for free.  It is an easy to read novel that I picked as something to relax with.  That still doesn’t stop this great piece of writing from affecting me.  It is authentically written for and delivered by the character.


Secondly, we could all do with finding that I, that part of us that is authentically us.  The part of us that is exactly who I am right now, the best part of me that walks the talk as well as talks the talk.  That part of me that sits inside and all too often looks out at the world and compares itself to the image others project and finds itself wanting.


Take careful note of the words I have used there ‘compares itself to the image others project’ because that is exactly what each and everyone of us do at least some of the time.  We project an image of what we want others to see of us, or what we think others want to see or how we think we should be, usually compared to some outside standard or ideal that others hold.  And everyone else is doing it too.


This is particularly true in the modern age where social media is all about, usually, being seen in a certain way, to be seen to be living a certain kind of lifestyle, to create an image and perception with others of what we think is how it should be.


Having just read that passage and as a therapist, if a client sat in front of me and said that out loud to me I would be mentally firing off a whole host of questions.  And if you find yourself thinking in a similar way and perhaps struggling with the image in some way that you are projecting then ask yourself these questions:-


  • These ‘others’, sometimes referred to as ‘they’, who are they, specifically?
  • How much influence over your thoughts and actions do ‘they’ have?
  • Do ‘they’ deserve to have that level of influence over you?
  • How do you know that what ‘they’ project into the world is really their authentic self?
  • Who are you comparing yourself to, specifically, and is it a realistic comparison?
  • What would happen if you stopped comparing yourself to ‘them’?


What would happen, if you stopped living by the standards, rules and requirements of others and instead lived more according to what you value more?


When you really stop and think about what is is that you truly value and move more towards trusting your own ‘I Am’ then it becomes easier to find your own authentic path to happiness, one that fits you more completely and sustains you in a more ecological way.


For more information on finding your own ‘I Am’ please contact me for a confidential consultation.


Joanne Lee-Adam www.tranceformationsnow.co.uk


E: tranceformationsnow@gmail.com


P: +44 7856 382832